This morning has had it's fair share of curve balls--my husband was having car trouble, so I had to take him to work after doing a school drop-off. After that, I was doing pretty good on time and was hoping to squeeze in a grocery shopping trip. I always feel good when I can get that done early in the day, and not have it hanging over my head or get trapped in the later morning crowds. I made it to the store around 8:15 AM, and no one was there. It was perfect!
Well, it was perfect until on my very last aisle, a fellow shopper began talking to me. Now, I can be friendly, and I can chat with other shoppers. That's fine! But, this wasn't just your average fellow shopper. Nope. He was a creeper. You know--the kind that says awkward things and makes you feel instantly uncomfortable? That was him. His first remark was something about how it was strange that we were the only ones in the store, and isn't it strange how people can become friends when they're shopping? Well, I guess that would be strange...
I gave an awkward smile, and kept moving.
Oh, but it didn't stop there. Nope. He mentioned that if he didn't get all the items on his list, his woman would be upset, and might beat him. Which, he said, wasn't always so bad...if you know what I mean. Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge.
So, I took Dorie's advice. Just keep walking, just keep walking, just keep walking, walking, walking.
Lord, I prayed, please, please don't let him get in the check-out line right behind me.
Well, you know what happened. Yep. Guess who gets right into the check-out line behind me? Further evidence that God isn't just a genie in a bottle.
He starts chatting with the clerk. Oh, but this isn't just casual conversation. Oh no. According to Mr. Creeper (MC), the store is going down the toilet! He is upset to not see the normal staff on hand. He's upset because apparently he feels that the manager is a narcissist. Yes, a narcissist. And...I never knew this before, but according to MC you can always tell a narcissist because they always talk really loud. LOUD! LOUD! LOUD!
Checkout is complete. Grab the receipt. Go! Go! Go!
Lord, I prayed again, please, oh please don't let him be parked ANYwhere near me!
Yep. He drives a white Dodge car. And it was parked in the space RIGHT beside ours. And apparently, he was still upset about the store's narcissistic manager. How do I know? Well, he was still talking about it...VERY LOUDLY! You know, I'm still not sure why he thought the manager was a narcissist. I mean, the guy was working. Maybe that makes him narcissistic?
At this point, I just wanted my groceries to magically load themselves. And he just kept talking. Help! Finally, groceries loaded, I proceeded to secure my most precious cargo, and then try to quickly leave. Behind me I hear him bringing his cart to the cart return spot that is on the other side of my car.
"Don't worry...you're safe!" he says in an exasperated tone, and stalks off.
Ok, to dear Mr. Creeper--listen, I'm glad you finally got the message that I wanted to be left alone, and that maybe you were giving off a "not-so-safe" kind of vibe. However, if you're offended that I was CREEPED OUT, then please...don't be a creeper! It's really super simple. Be normal! Then people won't think you're a creeper. Don't be so angry at EVERYTHING! Oh, and you might not want to mention your love of being beat by your woman to...well...pretty much anyone. And another thing, when conversing with another grocery store shopper, it may be construed as taking things a bit too quickly to mention your "friendship" within the first two seconds. Let's just slow things down and back it up a few hundred-thousand notches, ok? It's not that maybe WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY down the road we couldn't be friends, but I just don't think we're there yet. And finally, if I am indeed safe, then why are you being so dang CREEPY?!
And to the rest of you out there, maybe there's a lesson in this for all of us. Don't be a creeper, and you won't creep people out! Just fly casual. Be cool. Say no to drugs. The end.